Remembering
~The Days of WINE &
ROSES~
I'm sure that
in each of our lives there is some
pretty dirty
laundry in our clothes hampers and
I'm not
talking about the clothes we wear
either! Well,
my "dirty laundry" (in fact it was
a song that I
used to dance to in 1983..do you
remember
it.."kick 'em when their up, kick 'em
when their
down"...) strange how it has been
over 23 years
ago for those days, and I still
remember the
words to that song! What a
marvelous
wonder the brain is!
Anyway, it was
Dec. 17, 1982 when my 2nd
husband died
of a sudden heart-attack, in
Lewisville,
Texas (right outside of Dallas; on a
business
trip)...and there I was, a widow at 34
with two daughters to support (my son had
decided to go back to his father in
Ohio). So,
here I was with them living alone
after moving
from Ardmore, Oklahoma back to
Kentucky where
I was born. My girlfriend from
high school
days, felt sorry for me and thought
she would help
me by introducing me to some
fun
things...like country music and dancing at
Mill-Run, in
Huntington, W. Virginia. I still
remember it
too! It was a country 'n' western
"nightclub"...just a fancy name for a bar, where
you could
dance all night! So, what happened
is that I "got
hooked" on something...since my
favourite
fruit was "strawberries"...guess what the
drink would
be? You got it..."strawberry
daiquiri"...is
that how you spell it? I never really
cared for
spelling the name...I just loved the
flavour! So
needless to say, I was "hooked"!
And,
needless-to- say, I became a "regular" there
many nights
out of the week...I don't know how
I managed to
get up in the mornings with the
girls and get
them off to school...I'm sure there
were times
that I "slept in"...though I do
remember I
spent most of my time with them. I
got the S.S.
check and it came to enough to pay
the rent,
utilities, buy food, country & western
clothes,
boots, hats, jeans, and the works! Also for the
girls,
too..they got what I got..and extras..and
oh yes, enough
for me to furnish myself with at
least a couple
of cases of Coors Light and two
quart bottles
of my favourite, Jim Beam. I didn't
care for Jack
Daniels, though I did like Charlie's
singing!
Yea..well anyway..those were my
"two best
friends" and I probably drank more
than two cases
and two quarts..and I was
lucky to get a
half a bologna sandwich down in
my stomach a
day. I would "drink myself
sober" if you
know what I mean. No one really
knew I drank
(except my brother..but he was
my "partner in
crime", and his wife..and their
girls and of
course my daughters and my
friend, who
thought she was being my helper!)
Well, it went
on for 9 hellish months! As long as
it takes to
get pregnant, start labour and have
that baby! Shew! It was really hell for nine
months for me!
You see, I "played the harlot"
with too many
lovers..but the "booze" killed the
feelings..and the whiskey "dulled the pain"! I
can still see
some of the faces..but so many are
nameless
creatures who just wanted their
satisfaction,
and in my loneliness to be loved, I
gave my all to
them! All, but my heart..all, but
my love and all,
but my soul..or perhaps I had sold
that to the
devil at that time, I don't remember. I just remember I
was a
miserable wretch and I would still go to
my Christian
music and when I would hear: Don Francisco sing:
"I
don't care
where you've been sleepin'..I don't
care who's bed
you've made..I already gave
MY life to set you free..."I would cry my heart
out and sob,
and drink, till I drank myself into a
drunken-sober-stupor of not caring again.
And repeat the
same sins that I despised and yet
had no control
over..for you see, I was for sure, an
alcoholic..that is where the "Wine & Roses"
come into this
story..do any of you all remember
that movie
with Lee Remmick & Jack Lemon?
Well that is
so very "true to life" in the life of an
alcoholic..for you see, I was one..I guess I
inherited in
from my biological father's side of
the
family..(he did it too, but really he had no
help back then
to help him quit), so it destroyed
his and
Mother's marriage. Well, I never knew
this, until I
started to drink..and found out that
"I couldn't quit"..it's
a strange feeling to be bound by
something that
you never had in your life and
then to be "a
slave to it"! But through all of this,
I believe I
was a pretty good mother..though
you would
probably hear conflicting stories
from my
daughters..since they both have
different
feelings about those days and seem to
view and
understand it differently. Isn't that
strange how
children can do that? Some will
have fairly
good memories of certain days in
their
childhood and some will have fantastic
memories and
some will absolutely have horrid
tales to tell
others about it! Strange
how the
mind works,
even in a small child!
Those were
days of trying to commit suicide
several
times..except GOD had other ideas...
praise HIM
forever! Drinking and driving and
razor blades
and speeding until I broke the
speedometer
(over 85 m.p.h.) around mountainous curves!
GOD was with me through all of
this..
and on Dec.12 and 13th of
1983, (around 11 p.m. til way after
midnight)
on the
floor of my bedroon, in my home in Phoenix,
Arizona, I
cried my way back to GOD and HE,
in HIS great
love, mercy and compassion took
me back into
HIS arms..and with a few falls in
between
times..I have still clung onto HIS robe
for dear life!
But HE has been faithful and
true..just as
Revelation says HE is..for that is
HIS name..and
HE keeps me daily by HIS side.
I still cannot
drink alcohol of any kind, and for
me it is a
SIN and I do not miss those days in
the
least..for now I have a loving husband that
GOD gave to me
in Nov. 1985 and my daughters
are still
alive and healthy and I have
six lovely
grandchildren
to be proud of now. A family that
loves me (or
at least they'd better) *S* and I
have so very
many wonderful e-friends that
I thank GOD
for every day. I cannot begin to
thank them all
for their love & friendship to me.
But a big
~T~H~A~N~K~
~Y~O~U~
To all of you
guys & gals!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{{{{{{
H~U~G~Z~}}}}}}
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Updated Dec. 6, 2006
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